Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988) Review

"Potatoes are what we eat!" - Khorsa.

Sadly, that's about it for memorable quotes from this film. That says a lot about the third entry in the Deathstalker series. Lacking in quips and memorable moments, we've arrived at the series' blandest offering, but let's see if we can unearth any goodness. Here we go: Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.

After meeting the beautiful Princess Carissa (Carla Herd), Deathstalker (John Allen Nelson) is entrusted with a valuable jewel, one of three such items that will unlock a magical city. Unfortunately, the evil Troxartas (Thom Christopher) possesses the other two jewels, and seeks the third to resurrect an army of the dead. Accompanied by Carissa's sister Elizena (also played by Herd) and warrior Marinda (Claudia Inchaurregui), Deathstalker must outrun Troxartas' forces and face his toughest challenge yet in a bid to win the day.

Like the other films, Deathstalker III introduces a new lead actor to the title role. This time it's John Allen Nelson, a far less brutish leading man than initial lead Rick Hill. Nelson exhibits some of the same personality traits of John Terlesky's Deathstalker, but is overall a more charming hero than either of his predecessors. He's a more gentle soul, especially towards the women he meets compared to the other two Deathstalkers. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much personality beyond that, making him the most forgettable of the three. He occasionally delivers the a few one-liners, but Nelson's delivers a straight portrayal for the most part. Rick Hill also played the role straight in the first film, but had more cheesy lines and the right look to convincingly portray the hero. Here, Nelson doesn't have the intimidating presence of Hill or the comic timing of Terlesky and looks nothing like the muscle-bound warrior seen on the film's poster. 

The female leads also suffer from fairly bland personalities and a lack of screen time. It's hard to tell which character is supposed to be the lead, as Deathstalker shows sexual interest in all of them (probably the only consistent character trait in the series). The sibling princesses Carla and Elizena are both played by Carla Herd, and they are at least given distinct personalities. Carla is the more noble and fair, whereas Elizena is more irritating and untrustworthy. Elizena is sadly becomes the focus after her sister is killed early on in the film, and her character becomes annoying very quickly. She constantly antagonises people and is completely incapable of defending herself. At least Lana Clarkson's Kaira from the first film knew how to fight and never backed down from a challenge, but Deathstalker III's Elizena reverts the female lead back to the damsel-in-distress role. There's also Deathstalker's main love interest Marinda, the closest we get a strong heroine. She hooks up with Deathstalker soon after meeting him, but lacks any notable character traits. She does participate in the fighting, but that's about it. Of the three female heroes, Carla was the one who possibly would have made the best lead, but she's killed off so quickly and the other two have such obvious weaknesses which further places Deathstalker III below the first two films.

Then there's the film's villain, Troxartas, a sorcerer with weird fashion sense. Whilst his physique or sword skills won't do much to intimidate, his ghastly choice of clothing is sure send shivers down your spine. Wearing something different in almost every scene, his costumes range from a traditional sorcerer's cloak to a wearing no trousers. Funniest of all is a fuzzy blanket, which is easily the most amusing costume in a film full of them. It says a lot when the wacky costumes for the villain are more memorable than the villain himself, with Troxartas mixing well with the other dull characters. His evil plan is to possess all three jewels to resurrect a room of defeated warriors, but he doesn't do much at all throughout the film other than that. He fights Deathstalker at the end, and it's a truly pathetic display of fight choreography. At least the fight takes them to various rooms in the castle, but the sword work leaves a lot to be desired, with both actors seemingly incapable of delivering a convincing display. 

Where the film also suffers is a lack of memorable scenes or creatures. In the first two films, there was a large variety of foes including a pig man, zombies and trolls. Deathstalker III has the undead army, but they only show up at the end and their screen time is limited. The poster claims this to be "the most action packed Deathstalker yet", but there is very little action and the film moves at a very sluggish pace. With no quotable lines or enough to make fun of, the majority of the film is actually boring, only picking up at the end with the large fight between the warriors from hell and the heroes. The soundtrack is also unspectacular, with the main theme being recycled from several other Roger Corman produced films. The first film's soundtrack was full of energy, featuring a choir singing what sounds like an ancient language, perfectly setting the right atmosphere. Deathstalker II's theme was slightly more fitting to the decade of when the film was made, with the inclusion of synthesizers and a faster tempo. Deathstalker III's recycled musical score only serves to make it stand out as the weaker film. Praise must be given, however, to the lack of stock footage. I was only able to count one use of footage from the previous Deathstalker films, and even then it was only a brief shot of a castle interior. 

Lacking in action, memorable characters and a fun pace, Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell is easily the worst entry in the series. The new Deathstalker has no charisma and the film lacks a strong villain, with only the final third of the film serving up a half-decent slice of entertainment. There isn't much to recommend here, and I would only say to watch just to complete your viewing of the series as a whole. But if you only ever check out one of these films, make sure it isn't this one.

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987) Review

"I'll have my revenge, and Deathstalker too!" - Sultana.

Immediately following the above line of dialogue emerges the title "Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans" through the flames. This hilarious reveal lets you know you are in for one hell of a ride, and a film that has become a staple of the "so bad it's good" genre. Following on from the 1983 original (reviewed on this blog last year), Deathstalker II fully embraces it's cheesy sword-and-sorcery setting and features all the elements that make a film like this so enjoyably bad. Like I did with the original film, I won't delve deep into the plot or anything else that could be open for heavy criticism. Instead, I'll take a look at the characters and bizarre moments in order to demonstrate why Deathstalker II is one of the best bad films ever made.

After her kingdom is seized by the ruthless Jarek (John Lazar), Princess Evie (Monique Gabrielle) seeks the help of the renowned adventurer known only as Deathstalker (John Terlesky). With Princess Evie's help (posing as Reena the Seer), Deathstalker must overcome many dangers, including Jarek's accomplice Sultana (Toni Naples) and an evil clone of Evie in order to win back her kingdom. Through a variety of crazy set-pieces and stock footage, this mismatched pairing must learn to get along if they are to save the day, that is if the bickering between the villains doesn't get the job done for them!

The first thing that's immediately obvious is the recasting of the lead role. John Terlesky looks nothing like the muscle-bound Rick Hill from the original, and is given even cheesier lines of dialogue to say. Given the stark contrast in appearance, Deathstalker is written here as more of a swashbuckling adventurer than an emotionless brute, and that makes him more enjoyable to watch as Terlesky fools around and has fun in the role. He seems very self aware that he's in a mad genre film, and he plays this up brilliantly throughout, with plenty of over-the-top facial expressions and confident delivery of his lines. Terlesky played a key-role behind the scenes, too, choreographing the final sword fight between Deathstalker and Jarek, as well as standing in to play one of Jarek's guards towards the beginning of the film. As wacky as the action sequences are in this film, Terlesky did a great job with the choreography for the sword fight, making use of the entire set and including some nifty footwork for both characters.

Accompanying our hero is Monique Gabrielle as Princess Evie, again a very different approach to the companion character compared to Lana Clarkson's skilled warrior from the first film. Evie isn't much of a fighter, and is really only there to provide more comic relief and give Deathstalker someone to hook up with at the end. That, and to provide the worst line readings of any actor in the film. Whilst her acting is bad, it at least fits the chaotic nature of the film, and actually makes the film more enjoyable. Hearing her say such contrived nonsense such as "you can't treat me like this, I'm a princess!" is always funny, and so once again the Deathstalker series has taken a negative and somehow managed to turn it into a ludicrous positive for me.

Whereas the first Deathstalker film only had one memorable villain, all three of this film's antagonists help to give Deathstalker II an even more enjoyable edge. The primary villain is John Lazar's Jarek, who is both a powerful sorcerer and deadly swordsman. Though is appearance isn't as striking as Munkar from the first film, Jarek is still just as powerful and more than a match for our hero. Jarek's henchman include Sultana, who seeks revenge after Deathstalker robs her castle in the film's opening scene, and a clone of Princess Evie. Evie and Sultana spend a lot of their screen time arguing, and it's great fun to see two bland performances clash, complete with some hilarious dialogue. I like how Jarek clearly doesn't care much for either of them, which I think would be most people's reaction after seeing how much they bicker. Whilst Jarek and the Evie clone are given memorable death scenes, Sultana just decides to run away as the final fight breaks out. In one of the most ridiculous character exists ever, she tells Jarek "good luck, your gonna need it" and is never seen again. Maybe they where hoping to bring her back in a spinoff or something, but seeing as that never happened, it's one of the oddest endings for a character I've ever seen.

If the above mentioned descriptions of the characters weren't enough to convince you of the truly silly nature of Deathstalker II, perhaps knowing that the film pays obvious homage to several other films will. Whereas the first Deathstalker film went for a more serious tone, Deathstalker II's set-pieces shatter any notion of this, and as soon as you hear the Rocky theme play during a scene set in boxing ring, you know there's no chance of recovery. Not only does Rocky get parodied, but dialogue from Goldinger is shamelessly repeated almost word for word (if you haven't guessed yet, the "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die"). There's also a scene with zombies, in which the graveyard set wouldn't look out of place in Ed Wood's Plan Nine from Outer Space (1959). Not only are the settings and dialogue for most of Deathstalker II ridiculous, but the action itself is beyond crazy. In the final battle, an amazonian tribe battle Jarek's forces, with random bolts of lightning striking down a good few soldiers. Never is it explained where this lightning came from or who exactly it's targeting, but it makes for an amusing addition nonetheless. Even the one decent battle scene between Deathstalker and Jarek has its silliness, ending with Deathstalker breaking Jarek's sword with his bare hands and stabbing him through the neck, which is one of the weirdest, but also one of the coolest, moments in the film.

If you've already seen the first film, then get ready to see it again in Deathstalker II, as there's enough stock footage to make a drinking game out of how many times scenes from the original show up. Every scene set in a tavern is accompanied by stock footage of the warriors in Munkar's castle. Such is the laziness of the footage's use, that characters who died in the original film are now in the sequel, such as Oghris casually in the background after having his neck broken previously. That being said, the film is at least edited a lot better than its predecessor, allowing for a more even pace. There are still some dodgy edit moments, however, my favourite being one of Jarek's henchman talking to Sultana in a tavern, and then immediately cutting to him and his men having caught up with Deathstlaker and Evie on the road.

Deathstalker II is the quintessential "so bad it's good" film. It offers everything you could want in a cheesy sword-and-sorcery flick, from bad acting to cheap special effects, and all with a loving wink to the audience throughout. So if you're looking for a good laugh, crazy set-pieces and a rocking soundtrack to go with it, hunt this film down and treat yourself to a glorious serving of 80's action spectacle!

Deathstalker (1983) Review

"Heroes and fools... are the same thing!" - Deathstalker.

With the release of many a blockbuster waiting to soon find themselves reviewed here, I thought I'd change things up a little bit by reviewing a film not many people will have heard of. My choice is the 1983 sword-and-sorcery film Deathstalker, released on the heels of box-office success Conan the Barbarian (1982). Low-budget Conan clones were all the rage back in the early 80's, and  Deathstalker proved to be one of the more successful entries, garnering a cult following and three sequels. It is a fascinating watch today, and will be a guilty-pleasure of mine for many years to come.

The lone-warrior Deathstalker (Rick Hill) is tasked by a witch to retrieve three powerful relics: a sword, an amulet and a chalice. Discovering the sword in a cave, Deathstalker sets out to retrieve the other two relics, which are in the possession of an evil sorcerer named Munkar (Bernard Erhard). Munkar plans to attract the strongest warriors in the land to participate in a fighting tournament, under the false pretence that the winner will inherit his kingdom and riches. Deathstalker, along with new-found compatriots Oghris (Richard Brooker) and Kaira (Lana Clarkson), arrives to participate in the tournament and retrieve the other relics, as well as rescue the captive Princess Codille (Barbi Benton).

At only 80 minutes long, this is a short feature, and the time flies by when watching it because its so entertaining. There are too many crazy moments to count, which makes the film difficult to review. I could talk about the simple plot, for example, in a negative way, but this is the kind of film where the craziness overshadows the more important aspects of a film. So I'll take a look at the characters and some of the film's highlights. Let's start with our hero, Deathstalker. Known only by this name (on the odd occasion hilariously shortening it to simply "Stalker"), he is a powerful warrior with a meat-headed attitude. The very first scene involves him saving a girl from goblin-like creatures, only to undress her before being interrupted. He seeks neither fame nor glory, but is more than happy to accept going on a quest to obtain powerful relics, which will no doubt make him famous and glorified anyway. With his cold demeanour and misogynistic ways, he isn't much of a hero, but he's not as evil as Munkar, which makes him seem more heroic by comparison. Rick Hill is perfect for this role, delivering his cheesy one-liners in his low voice with confidence. When not spouting hilarious dialogue (like the above quip), he is able to appear intimidating due to his large physique and fighting skills. 

Deathstalker's companions are just as memorable as he is, and there are some interesting (and bizarre) creative choices to their portrayals. Kaira is a female warrior who hooks up with Deathstalker, but is also able to fight her own battles. All the other women in the film are portrayed as victims, but Kaira is the exception. She intends to compete in Munkar's tournament, and is more than capable of holding her own in a fight. She does, however, succumb to some of the more misogynistic aspects of the film despite her being a more strong-willed character. She appears bare-chested for most of her screen-time, and Deathstalker forces himself upon her on the first night they meet. No wonder they have such a strong bond: he embarks on a quest that will inadvertently make him famous, and she fights against female oppression, but is more than happy to enjoy Deathstalker having his way with her within hours of first meeting him. Both of them are as morally confused as each other it would seem. She also gets very little dialogue, and is killed off before she even gets a chance to compete in the tournament, making her seem not as important as the other characters. Though she is certainly memorable, it would have been nice to see her last until the end, as it would at least mean one woman triumphs over the male dominance of the film. 

Oghris, like Deathstalker, is a skilled fighter, and at first appears to be a more noble character than the lead. In his first scene, he rescues a woman from being raped (with the eventual help of Deathstalker). However, he indulges himself in having his way with women upon arrival at Munkar's castle, and is secretly in cahoots with Munkar. He also wears a ridiculous piece of armour: a half-vest thing which would appear to be more suitable for a female character. He competes in the tournament and does well, but meets his end at the hands of Deathstalker after learning of his betrayal. The two of them have a pretty good fight scene, with lots of props smashed and a surprising amount of drama. Though much of the film is hard to take seriously, the lack of dialogue involved before they fight makes for a decent portrayal of friends turned enemies.

Bernard Erhard is arguably the best actor in the film. His appearance is weird, with a massive tattoo on the side of his head, but he makes Munkar a threatening villain and more than a match for Deathstalker. Being a sorcerer, he exhibits all sorts of unusual powers throughout the film, the weirdest being the ability to change a man into a woman! He's not over-the-top and bombastic as one might expected in a film of this nature, instead radiating a disturbingly calm presence. He also suffers perhaps the most brutal death in the film: being ripped limb from limb after Deathstalker defeats him.

The characters are a lot of fun, but the plethora of strange scenes is what makes Deathstalker the guilty-pleasure that it is. I've heard that some scenes had to be removed or significantly cut down, as the filmmakers were aimed for a runtime of around 80 minutes. If true, it at least makes sense of some of the dodgy editing in certain moments. Sometimes the editing is so fast you can barely process what is happening. There's a scene near the beginning where Deathstalker and a witch fight some of Munkar's henchman, and the dialogue is cut together so fast that it sounds very unnatural. There are other instances where the film feels like it was improvised, such as a fight in Munkar's castle where all hell breaks loose amongst the fighters. It's so chaotic that I feel the director must have said "do whatever you want and we'll keep the best bits in the film". This is my favourite scene in the whole film because its completely ridiculous and features the best method of fighting ever. In a moment of pure brilliance, a pig-like creature rips a man's arm off and uses it to club another man to death. If I had to show one scene that sums up the enjoyable stupidity of Deathstalker, this would be it. Check it out for yourself:

With its memorable characters and cheap charm, Deathstalker is a fun-filled ride from start to finish. Though its depictions of female characters are distractingly old-fashioned, there is still enough action and quotable dialogue to make this a great addition to an ultimately silly genre. Its one of those films best enjoyed with a group of friends, as some of the silliness has to be seen to be believed. Track it down on VHS or DVD, sit back, and switch your brain off for 80 minutes of cheese!